I'm in a bit of a quandry here.... our 25 year old son wants to bring him and his pregnant girlfriend to this city, and stay with us until he finds work.
Here's my delimma...
He has virtually ignored me the past 10 years of his life, choosing to bad mouth me and talk horrid things behind my back, never once giving a second thought to a phone call or acknowledgement of a birthday, Mothers day or Christmas... even with a card.
He had moved in with us a few years ago, was fed, clothes were kept clean, we took him back and forth to work without a problem, and right before Thanksgiving, he left. Didn't even tell me he was leaving, actually. He just called his dad, who came and picked him up, and he left. It would have been my first holiday with him in 7 years.
Now, he called me the other night to tell me that I am going to be a Grandma again, sometime in January. He tells me that he cannot find work where he is, and he needs to work to support his family. He tells me that he has done alot of growing up the past few years, and he knows he has done many things wrong and hurt many people.
Then of course, pops off with the question..... can we stay with you til we get on our feet there?
What I'm seeing is 2 more mouths to feed, more laundry to do, an unmarried couple living in my house, and tension as we ask him NOT to have the video games set up all night and them staying up all night. Who will help with the housework?
I do not know this girl from Adam, been told she's quite the know-it-all, (but I don't know her, so I shouldn't say that). And if he cannot find a job, then we're supporting them. What if no job is found after the baby is born? Who's buying diapers? Who's buying clothes? and Formula?
I feel guilty because my Mom let me move back home several times until I got my mess together, and I'm sure I was never a joy to have around... but my Mom, being a Mom.. allowed me, and I was always welcome.
I'm not sure I want to.
I am back in school again, need to study. Need to have quiet time with my children I still have at home. Need to keep bills down. I need my homelife.
Do tell....... what would you do in a situation like this?
I hate to say it but I have been there. If you read my blog you will read about our troubles with our oldest daughter Michelle. What I would do is offer a home up for the grandchild, we did this and raised them for a long time. Your son sounds like he is looking for some one to do his job for him. I know he is pulling on your heart strings, but you need to stand firm on what you believe and what your families needs are. Things are bad every where. If you do let them come home you could get in writing what they will do and will pay and how long they will there and stick to it. As for us we will not let Michelle move back in with us ever. She is mean, talks bad about us and so much more. We are done playing games.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Mj
If he's changed, he would have gotten a hold of you before he needed something. I just made a post about 20-something males. Tough love is what I would prescribe. You will always love him and nothing will ever change the fact he's your son. But if you don't set up a boundary, he will always take advantage of you...when he needs something. Pray for him and his family.
ReplyDeleteMy mom and dad put me out on my butt when I was 17 years old. I worked two jobs to keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth.
ReplyDeleteAt 19, I made some bad decisions and asked to come home.
I was there about 4 months when I decided, "you can never go back".
I would put them up in a motel no tell for 2 weeks.
Pay for the hotel for 2 weeks.
And that's it.
Tough Love.
There is work out there.....but it's grunt work. Fast food, walmart, all the 6-8.00 an hour jobs no one wants.
It's out there.
I would not have then in the home. I would take the money you would spend on food / ele / etc and get them a motel no tell for 2 weeks. Tell them they are too old to live at home, and they need "personal space" with a baby on the way.
Let him take that 2 weeks to show the the "fruits of his changed ways".......since he said he has changed. Let him show you "the fruit". That way you can make a good "judgment" based upon facts (actions), not just words.
Just my .02
Laura