My Momma

A final chapter comes to an end.

My Momma died today at 3pm.

Apparently, the cancer had went the other way and gotten into her brain. At least that's what the doc said. Momma's sodium shot sky high, and the she had seizures. The doctor said there was nothing we could do. So I have been by her at the hospital since Thursday night.

Today, she took her last breath.

Momma is at peace now, and we are all grieving. Loss is hard, especially when it was the glue that held a family together for so very long.

Bye for now Momma...we will all miss you!

Got the Test Results back today

and Momma's alkaline phosphatase is almost 400. Meaning that more than likely the cancer has spread and has attacked her liver now.

We are going to do a bone scan and a KUB on August 2nd just to see how advanced it is, and if there is anything we can do. I do not want any more invasive procedures done on Mom, and she wouldn't want it done either.

When I came home tonight from work, I checked Mom's blood sugar and she was 48 (normal is 70-110). I thought there was something wrong with the machine, so I checked it again. It was 47. So I thought, "Surely not." and checked her other hand. 45. I gave her some milk via her G-tube and within 30 minutes, she was into the 70's.  She was still alert and talking to me with her blood sugar that low! How in heaven's name could that be? Especially when just within the last couple of months, she would drop to the 70's and begin to sweat and be incoherent and, well, it was just so obvious! And tonight.... is this how it's going to be? Is Mom going to just fade away some night and not warn anyone? (That would rather be like her... to not want anyone to worry )

I called my brother and assured him that we would get him here no matter what (he lives in Georgia and just went through a bad spell... losing his job and home and then losing the "woman" he had put his trust and heart into for so long...). Now he's finally getting back on his feet, but has no savings as of yet.

I talked to the girls tonight about their Grandma's situation. They both became teary eyed, but they had to know. I didn't want them to wake up one day and have to find out Grandma had passed during the night. That just wouldn't be fair. I want them to cherish what time they have left with their Gram and remember her laughter and fun and love of animals and flowers.... I want them to remember her playing games and talk to her (even though she cannot be understood when she talks back). I want them to snuggle against her while Grandma is napping or even watching TV. (All the things I want to do too...)

I know her memory will live on forever and her body is just tired and old, but the person that my Momma is, will always be. Her love of life and of yardwork and quilting and her sense of humor and love of her family will always live on in all of us. Her body will be gone, but my Momma won't be.

I'm not ready. I'm 44 years old, and I'm scared to be without my Mom. But I have to be strong for her.

Lord Jesus, please help me be strong for my Momma and help me to care for her the way that You would want me to.

Just got back from the doc for Mom. Blood tests were run, and Mom has thrush again.

They had to stick her 3 times in order to get any blood for the test, and then it was very thick and slow moving. It took a long time to come out.

We'll find out more tomorrow when the results come back.

Mom is jaundiced, and we're rather afraid of an obstruction.

My brother and I (more I) need to make a decision. Do we want to put Mom through the preps and tests? Or let it go and let God do His thing? (I know God does what He wants to, no matter what I say...I can ask, but sometimes the answer is no.)

 I know Mom hates the life she is living now. I know she would do if she were able. Am I going to be able to be that strong for her? Am I going to make the right decision if that time comes?

I'm scared.

Well, it's done.

Mom's life is packed in boxes and stored away in a garage size unit.

I cried, and Abby cried as I shut the door to Mom's house for the last time.

Now to coin my friend Cindy's phrase "the colossal clean-up begins!" I am going thru, throwing out, selling some.... WHEW! It's going to be a busy time!

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Well, it's 4:30a. I'm going to start a load of laundry and get that hung out.

I have a few hours before the children even attempt to wake up, so I may as well start to work and get some things accomplished around here!

 

Just today stuff...

Well tomorrow is the big day. We've sold Mom's house and are going to clean it out tomorrow. I've rented a U-Haul truck and a truck tow thingy to bring her truck home. Kind of sad... the end of an era, one might say.

I didn't grow up there, but Mom did alot of work in it after she bought it. I felt it should go for more than what they are giving, and the guy buying even said it was worth what we were asking, and more...just not to him. So we accepted, just to get Mom out from under the payments.

Isn't it disturbing that a person can work and slave their life away only to be rewarded by a mere pittance if they should become ill? It's sad.

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On a happier note, I have been cooking most of last night and today for my crew at work. We're having a sort of a pitch in for a gilr that is moving to a different facility and will begin college soon. To be a lawyer.

I made chicken and (homemade) noodles, homemade buscuits and a cake.

Hope they like it! :)

God's World

I am so proud!

Logan and I read about creation today, and we made play-dough. This is what I came home to. This is God's world made from our play-dough we made.

I am so proud of him (with a little help from big sis, but that's ok)!!!

 See the earth with the sun? And the people? The little guy in the middle of the earth and mountain is a lion, and the tall job beside it all is a mountain.....

Homeschooling at it's best!

Looks like rain today

but we can't let that dampen our spirits!

#1~ We need the rain around here, and #2~ it makes for a good day to be inside and to be together.

The children are doing their schoolwork, and following the schedule along well. Amelia is working on her spelling, Abigail is doing her morning devotion and Logan is already to his Math!

As long as they are learning, I am happy.

I repotted 2 of my AFrican Violets yesterday and ended up with 6 plants. I'm kind of worried about one of them, cause she's kind of droopy this AM, maybe the Lord will see fit to bring her back for me!

 

Our First Day Homeschooling!

Was a blast!

We were so incredibly UNorganized, and scatterbrained......it was so much fun! The schedule I made was a little help, but I can seriously say it only sufficed to let me know what was next for each child, nothing else.

Amelia did her work fine, and really loved her Math (how anyone LOVES math is beyond me)! She learned her Roman Numerals today, so that is something learned, right?

Abigail did her spelling words for Friday and began to memorize a poem from Othello.... it's a short one, but we are both enjoying it. She had a bit of trouble with her math, but I told her not to get frustrated, that we can work on it more tomorrow.

Logan and I read from his McGuffey's Second Reader and we did some spelling together. Then we did a bit of brush up  Math for him too. Then, of course, we got excited when the UPS man came and brought us his SCience book we've been waiting for! YIPEE! And he even did his independent reading time!

I know it is going to be a long and trying journey, but I think we will do fine... just fine.....

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and thank you to all who prayed for my family yesterday. When I got up this AM, the paperwork I had printed out about Christian discipline was still on my desk. Apparently dh DID read it, cause he was very patient and loving today. Maybe it just takes a gentle reminder sometimes to see what is going wrong, or maybe it takes a good swat by the big Daddy Himself. Anyway, L had a good day with Daddy AND Mommy.

Mom is beginning to refuse her G-tube feedings. I have to be very firm with her, else it won't happen. She is becoming very defiant with the children when they attempt to help her. I've been praying on this one too... is it time to let someone else care for Mom? How long will I continue to do this? How long CAN I continue to do this?

I can do ALL things through Christ which strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

My 8 Things

The rules are simple:

     Each player lists 8 facts/ habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/ habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names and then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment letting them know they have been tagged and asks them to read your blog.

     1. I love to bake my own bread.

     2. I am a Sunday School teacher

     3. I have 6 dogs that I adore!

     4. I have 9 children and 7 grandchildren (with 2 more on the way next month!), and I am only 44.

     5. I am fairly shy

     6. I taught myself to crochet

     7. I am a Long Term Care nurse

     8. I like to rollerblade

I have been awarded the Blogger Reflection Award!

My 5:

#1 Definitely rellamom:

Carrie always has such insightful and humerous blogs. She is a dear and I look forward to reading her blog as much as I can!

#2~ Cindy

Such a dear, sweet friend is hard to find. She has become a friend online and off, and I love her! Thanks for being there for me!

#3~ BlueApple

Her site is just chock full of "nice". She is a wonderful friend that is always checking up on me to make sure I am still around and ok!

#4~ In the Deep Woods

Cause she is going thru the same thing as I am with caring for elderly parents. We can laugh and cry together, and know exactly what each other is talking about!

#5~ Chas

Just cause she is. :)

Why is it....

that computers are big pains in the hiney, but are so attractive to so many of us? Here I sit at 1am, trying to fix my desktop and writing on my laptop. Huh.... (just have to regain some memory, is all~ computer, that is). LOL!

Anyhoo~ life in the Hatfield Household is running along smoothly. I got my first shipment of schoolbooks for the children today. Boy, was I excited! It was Abby's Teaching Textbooks for her math, and I really detest math (cause I just don't get it sometimes, but who does? I think math teachers just make up the answers, cause they know no one really knows anyway.... ), but it looks fun. I want to see Amelia's, cause I am going to brush up on my Algebra right along side her. I can do somewhat ok, but not where I want to be.

I am also awaiting their Apologia science. I found that one online and absolutely fell in love. I had never heard of an actual class that teaches creation science !?!?  How cool is that?

Well, this coming from a woman that didn't think I would ever homeschool my children...I wasn't "radical" enough! I always thought only the people that were so very against the government homeschooled their children...you know, the ones that refuse to pay taxes, and live in communes and such.... I am SOOOO thankful that I found out otherwise and am even more grateful AND thankful that I have found many wonderful and dear people who care about me and my children and are there to always give advice when I don't know what I am doing... (huh, Cindy? :) )

Mom is doing ok. Doc started her on a couple of differnet pain meds, which she took tonight.  I pray it works for her. She is miserable anymore. I finally got the paperwork for the adult daycare. Now to get it filled out and turned in. Then Mom can go to MY work when I need to take the children somewhere, or simply need some respite time.

We staked up our tomatoes this evening. Those plants are heavy with tomatoes too! Looks like a good season! I plucked all my spinach, and am looking forward to a spinach salad before work tomorrow.

My strawberry bed will need more dirt this coming year. I thought my strawberry plants would have totally been destroyed by the hens, but they weren't. I have runners and tiny berries! I didn't expect a harvest this year, but I have been blessed by all that we do have. Thank you God for allowing things to be so wonderful today and every day.

Life is good....and these are my thoughts today.

Well, I have an appointment to get Mom's hair done on Saturday (first day off after a 7 day stretch), so I hope and pray that makes her happy. Her hair is a mess, and it does need a perm, maybe this'll work out for her.

Work called me to come in early. No way! As I said before, I am on day 6 of a 7 day-er, and am tired. And being the only nurse for 37 residents who ALL want to be first and RIGHT NOW is hard.... I'm really not complaining, just tired, I think. And I do love my job. Next week, we will have 2 full time nurses on 1st and 2nd shift, so things should be alot easier and we will be able to complete ALL of our tasks that we need to do. :)

I've ordered the girls' science text for school. We're using Apologia. And I have also ordered Abigail's math for her. I saw Teaching Textbooks, and it looked great, so I have that coming too, but I have to wait to order Amelia's when I get paid again. I plan on working with Logan doing alot of one on one to help him catch up, so maybe next year we will order for his age too. Technically, he should be in 5th grade, but he is still working at a 3rd grade level. I know that most of it is his mental disabilities, and he does learn, although it is a bit slower than the average bear. That's ok though, it just means I'll get to have my little boy a bit longer... :)

Well, I had better run, so I can get ready (completely) before work starts! LOL! I have about 45 minutes before I leave, and still have to get my shoes on and round up my pens and markers and scissors and throw them in my pocket.

Thank you for checking in on  me and saying hi when you can!

 

Why is it

that old people never sleep?

My Mom is sitting at the kitchen table at 12:50am, staring at me.

I like my peace and quiet, and it seems that no matter what time I get home, or am anywhere, she has followed me and is watching me. I am a 44 year old child who appparently needs to be kept an eye on. LOL!

It's creepy, in a way. Yet I know someday, she won't be watching me, and I may miss it.

But please Mom.....just go to bed! LOL!

PS: For those of you who do not know..my Mom has dementia, so her behavior is at times interesting, to say the least. Gotta love her though!  

My Goodness.... I am a Reserved Analyst (and it IS me!)

You are an Analyst

Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.

You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things.

Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like.

You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things.

You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things.

Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself.

You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.

You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.

It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

Try to embrace the imaginative, creative part of your personality more often.

Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.

how you relate to others

You are Reserved

You are RESERVED – you aren't someone who always needs to have others around, and you find you can handle most situations on your own.

You can be very happy spending time alone, and enjoy your own thoughts and ideas.

You find it difficult to understand why some people get so emotional and tell everyone else their problems.

You believe that if you want to get something done, it is best to do it yourself.

In your experience, other people are not always completely dependable, so you generally rely on yourself and only a few close others.

Despite your independence, you are not a closed-minded person who makes hasty judgments about others. You know that it isn't always easy to walk in other people's shoes.

At times other people's feelings are puzzling to you, and you wish that people were more rational.

Your vision of the world is complex – your values are not set in stone. Instead, you are able to change your beliefs as you learn new information.

If you want to be different:

Even though it is tiring, making an extra effort to spend time with others even when you feel like being alone can have powerful positive effects on your relationships.

Practice talking about yourself to people you haven't previously trusted. You will forge friendships where you wouldn't have thought possible, and with practice, sharing your thoughts and feelings will get easier and easier.